Curious: Is the concept of soulmate flawed?

soulmates: are they real

Real or just an illusion, love is the world’s biggest confusion, isn’t it?

Trust me, the title was a ‘click-bait’, for I believe in soulmates. But, not in the way everyone does!

Yes, finding love is the most beautiful thing one can ever experience – to describe it as poets do, ‘it is the sense of ever-wanting belongingness for that special one forever, where one finds oneself on cloud nine every time. Where mistakes are often veiled by our better halves. Where actions seem to be drugged by intense emotions, care, and trust.’ One can overdo actions in love – he/she is blinded by the fact that love is going past the existing comfort (be it physically, financially, mentally and emotionally) that our lives perhaps, provide.’

All of it that I have just described isn’t true love – I mean, not everything of the above is love and qualify as being each other’s’ soulmates. Emotions and excitement have the tendency to fade, often swing like a pendulum, and every bit of it isn’t permanent. So what is true love? Is it connected to being a soulmate? What’s the difference and the aligning factor between the two? Does that happen to everyone?

Strong support and unspoken care

Strong Support and unspoken care

Many movies and short stories have explained to us the difference between ‘Infatuation and ‘Love’. If the former heads under temporary, the latter, as you guessed correctly, is a permanent physical or emotional association with someone.

When love finds its way through all the odds and difficulties, the association reaches its supreme fulfilment, both physical and emotional. That still stands as one of the rarest combinations in a marriage, if observed to its core. Yes, it is a difficult one to first recognize, and then have it in our lives. Believe it or not, the unsaid telepathy, the emotional connect and the pillar of strength, exists, for a lifetime.

Both of them work to grow, morally and ideally, evolving into a better version of themselves through each other’s support. They are each other’s best critics – and in this big and important journey of building each other through, fights over petty issues, trust issues, deceit – all seem trivial and silly.

If one experiences this, one is indeed living with his/her soulmate. Here, ‘romance’ is the trigger, because it is this feeling that enables them to connect, love, and stay together. When one marries a soulmate, it is easiest to sail through, face adversities, and ultimately reach a purpose both find logical and ideal.

But soulmates aren’t lovers every time

soulmates aren't lovers all the time

You read this correct – yes, the above association I just described isn’t for everyone! But that has nothing to do with ‘God-loving one less or more’. We all arrive with a purpose – which is unknown to us when we are born and discover as we become an active part of this journey.

In this life I have lived so far, I have many friends – with whom I can laugh, share joys and sorrows, connect and have fun. But I had that one friend with whom I connected instantly – he did not judge me for my actions, my deeds and stood strong beside me every time people misjudged me, didn’t trust me or felt I was wrong. I have experienced that telepathy, unsaid care and empathy; it wasn’t forced but felt mandate from the very beginning. We became more than a family, less than a couple – felt complete. I was mentally attached, for who will not want a person who goes out of the way, respects you, corrects you and stays with you. I had forgotten people around me, their existence never bothered not affected me.

That was the level of the bond we shared. Now was this love?

building strong bond

No, not at all. It was a relationship that went beyond words, never needed a pen or a voice to be described – as a heartfelt bond shared in mutual. We did not love each other (I know this for a fact), but longed for each other, pooled in the same set of beliefs, values and everything that falls under the tag of ‘being common’. I felt as if he was my mental clone – we forgot that a world of looks, money, family, career, even exists – for the talks went beyond our own imagination.

We aren’t lovers, currently, we have married different partners, and are very comfortable in our respective spaces. Not then. But now, I know that I did meet my soulmate. We aren’t in touch a lot, but silently somewhere pray for each other, love and respect others.

In many articles and books, we read that soulmates are the one who connects instantly – in every manner. The digital age, social networking sites are existing proof of a well-constructed platform for individuals to ‘connect, know, and learn instantly’ from each other. So, by this definition, there should be ‘many soulmates’ in our lives.

No. A soulmate is only one – can be a friend, sister, brother, bf/GF, and if lucky, either your husband or your wife. Romance is not obligatory, but an option. They can be around you, or they might not be. You meet your soul mates with a purpose – they come to enlighten and awaken your souls hidden deep within you. I know this is a heavy one but is true. The meet is destined, but you are unaware of the relationship longevity. If you are somewhere unhappy in your lives, they arrive, trust you, mend you – and once lessons learnt, they go. If not, they stay. And the funny fact is, they themselves aren’t aware that they are playing such a big part in one’s life. There can be many such instances, and you never know who ‘the one’ is.

So, the next time you set unrealistic expectations for your lover or your marital partner, remember, that instant connect will happen only if you are soulmates – otherwise, both of you will have to equally give into the relationship, to make it work and keep that spark alive! Believe in love, have faith in relationships, but deep down, keep an eye for or on your ‘soul mate’. ☺

Nikita Nagarka

Nikita Nagarka

Avid reader, passionate by words and an engineer by choice, she is a writer that works in a niche safety domain, but pens down her life thoughts and experiences quite occasionally.