Is your love fading away?
You extraordinarily met your partner. You fell in love with each other, you defied many challenges and made sacrifices to be together.
But, your union is not the end of the story, right?
It is, in fact, merely the beginning of a longer journey, where much more challenging stages are yet to come!
What happens after a year or two? after a few months? or even a few weeks for some couples?
Misunderstandings? Disputes? Boredom? Disappointment?
I am sure every couple had experienced this at least once, if not dozens of times!
That’s why the real gage is to be able to maintain your love in the long run!
Whether you are dating, engaged or married, having a flourishing relationship with your significant other involves a lot of work. It’s like getting to a battlefield, not to fight with each other but to fight for each other against inconvenient circumstances, life challenges and stakes, to overcome obstacles and barriers you may face.
The better you are prepared the more you are likely to save your relationship and make it more sustainable.
Even if you think that your partner is your perfect soulmate, you need to invest every day in nurturing your relationship.
Think of it like your favourite sport or hobby. If you don’t practice every day you cannot succeed, you cannot excel!
You may have more than a hundred ideas about how to share good moments with your partner, how to surprise them or how to impress them.
However, what I am giving you today, is some sacred lessons that can really drive you toward forever lasting happiness if you seriously take them into consideration.
The two last ones may seem shocking but getting into details will help you to better understand.
Understand that you have different psychologies to understand each other better.
Men and women are very different. They even speak different languages and guess what? they also came from different planets! Is this enough to show you that they’re like night and day?
In fact, science has proven that women and men are different not only in terms of their physical abilities but also in terms of their psychologies. This means that their perceptions, the way they think, the way they express their feelings, the way they react to things…All these points are different!
A true frequent story:
For example, it is very difficult for a woman to forget the bad deeds that her partner has done to her, especially if that was hurting! Women have an unbelievable capacity of reaching back into a forgotten past, finding sad memories and weaving them into the fabric of today.
While you as a man, assume that you had already sorted that problem or maybe you have even completely forgotten about it, your female partner will remind you of every single detail of that incident. Then you suddenly realize that all your efforts were in vain and this vicious circle of arguing will never end.
It just feels like banging your head against the wall because you simply want to move beyond these trivialities. You believe that life is too short to make it complicated but your partner still wants to plead her case. She is 100% convinced that she is a victim, that you don’t feel her pain, that she has been ignored for the last past days and would want to keep talking about her frustrations all at once.
What’s special with women?
If you previously knew some facts about women, your both lives would have been much easier and happier. So please keep in mind that, it is a part of a woman’s nature to get upset and be moody sometimes, especially during her period or when she is facing some challenges at work or life in general. She often feels the need to talk about her personal problems, to share her feelings, to point at things that she doesn’t like, to express her dissatisfactions.
You may, most probably, think that she is putting the blame on you for everything. But, the truth is that she only wants a listening ear, she is asking for a hearing.
A woman is like a wave, she may crash over you from time to time. All you need to do is be patient, quiet, and listen carefully to the “beautiful” sound of the crashing wave. She will appreciate it very much and therefore love you more and more.
If you read the book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” written by the relationship counsellor John Gray, you will better understand these dissimilarities. And this will help you to better understand your partner, to talk their language, to put yourself in their shoes and get closer to them. Or, In the worst-case scenario, you will at least stop looking at each other as aliens.
Relationships are about sharing and are in no way about possessing: Simply be and let be.
Your loved one is your partner, not your possession. They are a person you are supposed to share your life with and enjoy the ups and face the downs together. Your partner is not some dough or plasticine that you can model according to your wish!
Of course, they are not perfect and you might not like some things about them. But, the only thing you can do is to accept their imperfections and respect there own values and principles. Appreciate their strengths, the qualities that make them special in your eyes, their little gestures, their initiatives and every small and big effort they dedicate to the success of your relationship. Tell them that you are proud of them, they would love to hear it from you.
Appreciation can make them easily accept and approve your remarks. While being judgemental or steadily putting pressure on them will just push them away instead of listening to you and considering your advice.
Let me share with you a quote from “The Five Keys to Mindful Loving”, written by David Richo to elaborate more on this:
“In a true you-and-I relationship, we are present mindfully, nonintrusive, the way we are present with things in nature. We do not tell a birch tree it should be more like an elm. We face it with no agenda, only an appreciation that becomes participation: ‘I love looking at this birch’ becomes ‘I am this birch’ and then ‘I and this birch are opening to a mystery that transcends and holds us both.”
The idea is that acceptance and appreciation are two keys to mindful loving.
Physical intimacy is the milestone for a happy relationship.
Nothing can replace that invaluable joy of going home to a warm embrace from your loved one after a long tiring day. While you might be looking for a drug to relieve your headache or an antidepressant for your uncontrollable anxiety, touching might turn out to be a magical prescription for whatever ails you.
Physical intimacy is not supposed to happen only inside the bedroom or right before sex.
It has to be an integral part of your daily life because it can do wonders to your relationship.
In addition to enhancing your lovemaking, physical affection promotes feelings of bonding and attachment in your couple to help you build strong connection and confidence.
It plays a crucial role in generating and enhancing the joy and positive energy. Indeed, it has been proven that it can release oxytocin (feel-good hormones) and endorphins (pain relief) in the body.
If you have been wondering why your partner is very jealous or suspicious about you, although you are faithful to them and never had the intention of cheating on them, the answer is that maybe you are being stingy in terms of emotional and physical intimacy.
In fact, the lack of touching can gradually decrease emotional assurance and feelings of togetherness and acceptance. It makes your partner very doubtful about whether you truly like them, cherish them and care for them.
So keep in mind that physical intimacy installs psychological security and emotional wellness and can also contribute to a sense of calm and inner peace.
Do you want to feel more satisfied and fulfilled in your relationship?
The secret is to just try as many things as you can to maintain physical intimacy for a long time. For example, you can hug and kiss your partner on their lips, forehead or even on their cheeks, before you leave for work, or when you are back home.
Give them unconditional affection, hold their hands while walking down the street, take a shower together or ask for a massage and give one in return.
If you want to know more about why is physical intimacy important for your relationship and learn some new tips to try, read the following article.
Learn the art of solving problems.
No relationship is free from disagreements, misunderstandings or fights. This is completely normal because as humans, we are refined by our backgrounds, our personal experience, our ideologies, our blueprints and mindsets. Thus, every single person is different from the other.
Relationships must be based on communication, comprehension and the ability of smartly and readily solve disputes, conflicts and problems.
Never go to bed angry:
If you want your relationship to be sustainable, “never go to bed angry” is one of the key habits that you must start building and stick with for a lifetime.
What happens if you don’t do your dishes and keep them dirty until the next day? First of all, just the fact that they are filling your washbasin, all gloomed with sauces and meat bits, waiting for you to wash them while you are supposed to make delicious breakfast to start your day, is very annoying! Secondly, they absolutely become so difficult to clean-up! Right?
The same thing happens when you keep accumulating your problems instead of trying to resolve them as soon as possible. They become more complicated to solve, and if you keep accumulating them for days or months, even discussing them becomes hard.
The second key rule in solving problems is to apologize when you know you are the one at fault. Sorry is a little word that can have a big impact on your partner.
In a love relationship, you need to set aside your pride and your ego and focus only on understanding your partner, solving your problem and enhancing your relationship.
Admitting one’s mistake is not a failure but, rather, represents a sign of modesty and your partner will consider it as a sincere token of love and care.
So if something is bothering you, if you think there is something wrong in your relationship, just speak your mind and let your partner be aware of that in a constructive way. That is to say that you need to choose your words to not hurt them or create a further misunderstanding! And of course, never hesitate to say sorry when you are wrong.
Love yourself to be able to give back unconditional love to your partner.
Your partner may compliment you in a way or another, and you would for sure love this fact. However, you should understand that they are not there to fill a gap in your life but to add something to it. Your own life has to be as balanced as possible, with or without your partner. Their presence in your life must be no more than the icing or the cherry on the cake.
In other words, while being committed to your partner, make sure that your happiness doesn’t completely depend on them and that you can still enjoy your life in their absence. This may sound weird and so wrong at first sight, but it is very important.
The first reason is that because it would put less pressure on your partner and make them feel somehow relieved instead of stifled when they are preoccupied for a while and cannot be there for you.
Conversely, you won’t feel upset if you are not getting their full attention and care for a reason or another. What’s more, you’ll be always patient with them if they need some personal time for themselves.
Another reason is that loving yourself and being satisfied with yourself will make it easy for you to take good care of your partner and love them back unconditionally, for who they truly are and not only for what they have to give you. You won’t be able to reach this unless you already lead a fulfilling life.
Self-reconciliation is crucial. You need to love yourself, to forgive yourself, to accept it the way it is and simply embrace your imperfections. Take time to meditate, do yoga and practise mindfulness to be able to appreciate the living present more.
It has been proven that mindful people have higher self-esteem, are happier and more secure. They are able to consider negative feedback as a key driver to performance and improvement instead of feeling threatened or angry. Hence, they fight less with their romantic partners, are less defensive and better accommodating.
Stick to your dreams and work hard to achieve them, keep seeking self-improvement, make efforts to develop yourself and reach your potential. In fact, your relationship can be a very good opportunity for this. Your partner can be your mirror and reflect your real image, which is your chance to take further steps towards discovering yourself and embracing your inner world.
Why a recurring little distance in your relationship can strengthen your togetherness?
Think of this scenario:
Imagine being with your partner, face to face, every second of the day. You might think it is so exciting to have all this time for your relationship. There are plenty of things that you could try together. You can dance, cook, do couple yoga, have more sex, play chess or carrom, work out and much more. This can be fun for a couple of weeks but later, it can turn on to be uncomfortable and toxic.
I’m pretty sure, now that you are under the lockdown due to Coronavirus, you don’t need me to tell you this truth because you have been already experiencing it! Ain’t it? Even worse, married couples are nowadays getting divorced, all over the world, more than ever before.
The biggest takeaway:
There is nothing bad in taking or requiring your personal space and time. It will give you an opportunity to focus on yourself, to change your usual routine, to feel free. Yes, you heard it right, you sometimes need to feel free, or I’d better say single, which means no responsibilities and no restrictions but never stands for cheating, betraying or being unfaithful! That’s a good way to miss your partner and fuel your desire of seeing them and spending more quality time with them again. This will, therefore, strengthen your love for them.
Basically, men need this more frequently than women do. John Gray says that a man is like rubber, whenever he pulls back he comes forwards further and faster. Hence, dear woman, if you see your man going to his cave or pulling away, give him some space, give him some time, and never try to interrupt his loneliness. Just watch and wait because he will come back to you and he will be more loving and caring.
Tips to get the distance you need for a healthier relationship:
Allow each other to keep doing the things that you love and that make you happy. It could be a specific hobby, your favourite sport, or simply spending time with your own friends or family or even travelling with them. You deserve this break and so your loved one to make your togetherness more strong and more enjoyable.
It is also good for you to spoil yourself from time to time. Go to the sauna for some dry heat therapy, have a relaxing massage, change your look, get yourself a new haircut, new clothes and impress your partner with your charm.
If you are a drama lover and you have a Bollywood or Hollywood-ideal of what romantic love is, you may need to know that these movies belong to a fantasy world and are in most cases very far away from reality.
A strong relationship is built upon mutual efforts and a lot of dedication and implication on behalf of both of you.
Don’t hesitate to share these lessons with your partner for a better understanding and better results.